"Call him 'Ed'"

Where was I a year ago today? At work, with my phone ringer on, running back and forth from the washroom as I tried to keep it together; my Grandpa had been in an accident and the outlook was grim - severe burns; I won't go into the details.

That man was stubborn as all hell and EVERY time the doctors told us to say our good-byes and prepare for the worst, he pulled through. We had a terrifying summer of being told that each operation would be the last because his heart was too weak, or he was too old, that he couldn't take it, and he proved them wrong. In his home town, the nurses called him 'the miracle' - and that stubborn, eccentric, bullshitting 'miracle', I am happy to call my 'Grandpa'.

Sunday will mark 7 months since his passing; this is part of my journal entry from shortly after his death:

...I miss you. I'm sorry I never knew you better and that it took me too long to realize how incredible and fascinating you were. Looking back, you were an amazing Grandpa and I am so sorry for ever taking what time we had forgranted. You were so strong and stubborn. I am so glad I inherited even a little of that...

It's been 7 months and it's only easier when I don't let thoughts linger. There are still times when I flip open my phone, see the display picture of my Grandpa and one of the pigs he raised (below), and tear up.

His passing will always hurt and remind me of the immediacy of our mortality, the impermanence of everything, and the brevity of our time here.